Doomsday? Not so much...

... it was an epic day!

I started off the day with Tim Burton's "The Nightmare Before Christmas"... I watched it last night, too. Actually, I've watched it three times this week... yeah, I'm only a little obsessed. 

The day only got better from there.

Pearl Jam... chocolate fudge... and a River Phoenix movie. Ohhhh, yes! In that order, too. Well, actually, I ate the chocolate while I was watching the movie. And no, the movie wasn't "Stand by Me"... it was the 1990 dark comedy, "I Love You To Death." I absolutely adore that movie... it's so stupid... and hilarious! 

Haven't seen it? 

Here's a little summary: Joey (Kevin Kline) owns a pizza parlor and has a wife named Rosalie (Tracey Ullman). They have been married for a loooong time and have two children. Rosalie knows her husband flirts with other women and that he finds other women attractive, but she is absolutely clueless about his womanizing behavior. Devo (River Phoenix) works at the pizza parlor and is a friend of the family (he's in love with Rosalie). He knows of Joey's manwhorish behavior and he constantly tells Rosalie to watch out, because he doesn't want to see her get hurt. She completely ignores Devo and completely writes it all off... until she catches her scumbag of a husband in action; he was getting frisky with some chick in the library. (One of three women he's banged since the start of the movie, by the way.) Rosalie is completely mortified and hurt to find that Joey is a womanizer and has been cheating on her for a very long time. After bawling her eyes out on a park bench, she is determined to get even. She refuses to divorce him, because he could then have any every woman that he wanted, and she did not want him to have that satisfaction. Instead, she wants him dead. She does not want to hurt him, she just wants him dead. She then goes into cahoots with her mother (who lives with the family) and her mother tries to get the job done (twice) but both attempts failed. Rosalie then attempts to poison his spaghetti... and that doesn't work. She then gets Devo to join the party... which is absolutely hilarious. The plan was to shoot Joey but Rosalie did not want to hurt him, so that job went to Devo. Devo was nervously scared because he had never shot anybody before... the gun went off, but he wasn't sure if he had actually shot him or not because he turned his head when he pulled the trigger. He got him (barely), but it wasn't enough to kill him. He woke up from his sleep... he was responsive... and only complained of a stomach ache and a headache. They realize that they need more help, so they Devo enlists two drugged-up idiots that he knows, Harlan (William Hurt) and Marlon (Keanu Reeves) to get the job done. Those two guys are complete messes, which adds to the hilariousness of it all. Eventually, Harlan shoots Joey... and the bullet goes straight through him... but yet again, Joey survives the attack. He walks (barely) into the room and everyone is absolutely stunned and a bit freaked out.

The look on Devo's face/his reaction is absolutely priceless!!

At this point, they realize that it's pretty much impossible to kill this guy. Some dude tells the police about Harlan and Marlon getting paid to kill Joey, so they go over to the house. Despite multiple attempts to poison, shoot, and bludgeon him, Joey remains blissfully unaware that he is being targeted. However, the police clearly know what is going on... and off to the big house they go! Fully equipped with mugshots and questioning. I repeat, absolutely hilarious! Joey is finally told of what went on... and he isn't even mad. He realizes that he is a massive douchebag and has an epiphany moment, in which he realizes that he needs to be a better husband and must stop his womanizing ways. He does not press charges on anyone who helped try and kill him, because he did not want Rosalie to go to jail.

Now that I've spoiled 95% of the movie, I will not give away the ending. Ha! I will say this, though... I ABSOLUTELY HATE THE ENDING!!!!!!!!! Hate, hate, hate. It's just stupid... and makes everything before it seem like a complete waste of a viewing. It's not a complete waste of a viewing, though (It's a River Phoenix movie!)... just the ending is a giant, sucky, waste. 
The movie was inspired by an actual event (different names, of course)... in real life, the lady was sentenced to four years in jail... I still think that would have been a better ending. That, or having Joey and Rosalie jump off a cliff together.

Also, why go to great lengths to kill your cheating, manwhorish, asshole of a husband... when you could have just shot him in the balls once or twice? I'm sure that would end any man's manwhorish ways? No? If not, then leave the asshat. Find a better man.
Yeah, as you can see, I don't care too much for womanizers... or manwhores/manskanks... or the cheating kind. They disgust me. Messing with their minds is kinda fun, though. It serves their asses right.

So... um... back to more chocolate fudge?! Yeah, I had more chocolate fudge. Ha! I also re-customized my blog template! I guess blogger finally fixed the issues... well, somewhat. I had to delete/re-customize it four times, because it wouldn't let me customize it more than twice in one sitting. It was somewhat comical... and a few f-bombs were said, but at least my blog is pretty again! In fact, I think it's prettier than it was the first time! :)